


A Little Lighter

by carpethefanfics



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Christmas, Enemies to Lovers, Guilt, M/M, NSFW, Post-War, Sadness, slight nsfw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-15
Updated: 2017-06-15
Packaged: 2018-11-14 05:57:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11201862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carpethefanfics/pseuds/carpethefanfics
Summary: For @siriusly-not-over-remus on TumblrWarning: slight NSFWEnjoy.





	A Little Lighter

  * The snow this year fell like a blanket
  * It was as if one morning they woke up and the sky had opened practically overnight 
  * The ground was pure white
  * Nothing but the trails of footprints could be seen
  * It made the sky look so clean and endless and blue
  * It made the air smell so crisp 
  * It made the world seem new
  * Feel new
  * And it was Christmas
  * A time Harry had always looked forward too because he could be with his family
  * His _real_ family 
  * But this year
  * This year was different
  * And sure the world was new now what with the end of the war and the death of the Dark Lord 
  * But it was still the first Christmas after all that
  * A war that had nearly torn him in two 
  * A war that had driven some to the point of insanity with their grief
  * A war that placed families on trial
  * That left the world in more chaos than it had been before
  * The rebuilding was slow
  * Justice took time
  * And Harry was watching it all
  * It was why he had decided he needed to be alone
  * He had spent every waking moment since he had walked through the battered halls of Hogwarts with his friends
  * With his family
  * With _him_
  * Because he knew they needed each other
  * Knew they needed to talk and heal and laugh again
  * Knew they needed to do it together
  * But still
  * Some wounds cut to deep
  * Some pain lingered too long
  * For Harry the war felt like yesterday 
  * So he knew it would have been much too hard to see the Weasley’s at Christmas
  * How was he supposed to sit around a table without Fred?
  * Stare at Molly from across the room and see the glazed over look in her eyes
  * The way her lip quivered ever so slightly when George rounded a corner
  * How was he supposed to see the ever present purple bags that sat under George’s eyes?
  * The rawness of his bottom lip from where he had been chewing on it
  * How was he supposed to see Ginny chewing on her nails to the point they bled because she was trying so hard to hold herself together?
  * Trying so hard to keep everything inside
  * She had endured so much while he had been gone
  * And the physical scars that the Carrows had given her were a reminder of that
  * It was one of the reason whatever they had shared had gotten so muddled
  * How was he supposed to listen to everyone talking about Teddy?
  * His beautiful, beautiful godson with his bubbly laugh and dainty dimples 
  * Everyone’s eyes lit up when he was brought into a room
  * But then they dimmed so quickly
  * The realization of his reality suddenly dawning on them
  * Because they could see how he had Dora’s hair with it’s flashy rainbow of colours 
  * And her sparkling eyes
  * How he had Remus’ coy smile 
  * And the same freckles covered his nose
  * How was he supposed to not grip _his_ hand when it all felt like too much?
  * How was he supposed to not run his fingers along _his_ lower back as he walked past?
  * How was he supposed to pretend that the scars _he_ hid beneath _his_ clean pressedblack collared weren’t all because of him?
  * Harry felt responsible
  * Responsible for brothers losing brothers
  * For mothers losing sons
  * For sons losing fathers
  * For the **pain**
  * Everyone had lost something because of the war
  * And he knew deep down somewhere that it was Voldemort’s fault 
  * Knew the man had been crazed with a lust for power
  * But the thoughts running through Harry’s mind weren’t blaming Voldemort
  * They were blaming himself
  * Because if he had done something sooner
  * If he had been faster
  * Been better
  * Known more
  * Maybe, just maybe, someone would still be here
  * Remus would see his son’s smile
  * And George would still have Weasleys **’** Wizard Wheezes 
  * Instead of Weasley **’** s Wizard Wheezes
  * And Hermione wouldn’t have that god awful word carved into her arm
  * And Sirius …
  * And his parents …
  * Maybe all of them would still be here
  * And it didn’t matter how many times _he_ told him otherwise
  * How many times they had sat with their thighs warmly pressed together in front of the dying embers of a fire in his flat trying to feel something better that this
  * How many times his heart leapt out of his chest trying to be warm and whole again 
  * He still felt that weight
  * Still carried it inside himself
  * So Harry woke up that morning, Christmas morning, with nothing to do and nowhere to go but be at home
  * _His home_
  * A flat so full of things that somehow still felt so empty 
  * He had sat on that couch for what felt like hours
  * A long, comfortable black leather thing that Ron had suggested
  * With a glass of firewhiskey in his hand
  * And the entire bottle on the coffee table by his feet
  * With his eyes glued to the exposed brick wall
  * With his thoughts tumbling around in the muddled mess of his brain
  * He was trying to remedy the hollowness he felt in the pit of his stomach
  * A hollowness that had been there for just over seven months
  * Or maybe it had been there since he had lost his parents?
  * He just hadn’t noticed yet
  * But now he did
  * And he was trying 
  * Trying so hard to find a way to feel like Christmas wasn’t just another day that reminded him of how much he hadn’t been able to do
  * Of who he hadn’t saved
  * It made his mind a scary place 
  * A sad place
  * And he wanted to feel okay
  * To remember the good
  * Remember what he had done
  * Remember the warm words of his friends
  * But he felt nothing but anger, nothing but guilt
  * Until there was a knock at the door
  * A knock that pulled him from the endless thoughts swimming through his head
  * He begrudgingly lifted himself off the couch
  * His vision a little blurry
  * His head a little light
  * But he gripped the door knob nonetheless
  * He expected to see Hermione
  * Snow covering her bushy brown curls
  * Her arm intertwined with Ron’s
  * A faint smile on their faces
  * A hot plate from Molly wrapped tightly in their hands
  * But that’s not who he was met with at all 
  * Because when he opened the door his eyes caught sleek silver hair
  * And high cheekbones
  * And a black fitted coat
  * And soft grey eyes
  * It was _him_
  * _Draco_
  * With his shoulders covered in snow
  * And a present wrapped in his shaking fingers
  * ‘Thought you’d like company.’
  * The words hit Harry hard
  * Because suddenly he realized just how much he needed to **not be alone**
  * And maybe it was just the alcohol
  * Maybe it was making him feel things more intensely
  * But all he could picture was the nights they had spent talking
  * And staring into those grey eyes
  * And the time he spent praying for the courage to push himself closer
  * But when he tried to speak nothing came out
  * Even though he could hear the words in his head
  * He wanted to thank Draco for all that
  * And for somehow knowing that he needed him 
  * Especially when he hadn’t even realized it himself
  * But still nothing came 
  * The words were caught in his throat
  * His jaw was locked, his body rigid
  * He didn’t know what to do
  * This physical reaction to the bubbling of his emotions was too much
  * And Draco seemed to sense that
  * Because Harry watched as the package tumbled from his arms 
  * Watched as he raised them to wrap around Harry’s shoulders
  * Tightly holding him to his chest
  * And his forehead found Draco’s shoulder
  * His eyes fluttering closed
  * His arms snaking their way around Draco’s waist
  * His fingers clutching to the back of his coat painfully tight
  * And it was nice
  * And warm
  * And right
  * And although Harry knew it wouldn’t fix the ache
  * That this small gesture wouldn’t end the pain
  * That day was the first day he had felt a little lighter since the war
  * And he had Draco to thank for that
  * This man who only in the last few months had somehow become his … his friend
  * Who shared in his guilt, in his ache
  * Who actually understood Harry’s worries
  * Because as much as Ron and Hermione tried, they just couldn’t 
  * And that comfort, that sense of security
  * Harry felt it in Draco’s embrace
  * Could hear it in the gentle words Draco was whispering in his ear
  * _It’s alright Harry_
  * _It’s going to be alright_
  * _You’ve got me_
  * And then Harry pulled back
  * Because his head was still fuzzy from the liquor
  * But those words
  * Those three words
  * _You’ve got me_
  * They were enough to pull him from his mind
  * A sudden beacon at an end of a dark tunnel
  * A flashing light that made him feel okay
  * Harry slowly inched his face forward 
  * His eyes focused on the pink tinge of Draco’s lips
  * And the rosiness of his cheek from the cold
  * And the way Draco was scanning his face but not pulling away, not pulling back
  * And the faint blush that was blossoming up his neck now that seemed to match his blazing cheeks
  * _You’ve got me too_
  * And then their lips were touching
  * And it was soft and slow and electric
  * Harry wasn’t sure anymore if it was the alcohol that made the blood rush from his head
  * Or if it was Draco and his intoxicating cologne
  * Because as his tongue delved further 
  * As he suddenly pushed Draco’s back against the door
  * His mind cleared
  * Draco’s hands were tangling in his hair and gripping at his neck
  * And their hips were grinding together
  * And Harry’s hands were tightly gripping Draco’s waist
  * And the kiss was fiery now
  * And Harry was lost in the feeling
  * In the way his skin tingled
  * And his stomach flipped
  * _You’ve got me_
  * _You’ve got me_
  * _You’ve got me_
  * Ringing in his head like a melody he never wanted to put a stop to
  * Maybe he could have a happy Christmas again
  * Maybe they both could
  * Together



**Author's Note:**

> http://carpethefanfics.tumblr.com/post/154155992877/a-little-lighter


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